My........Addiction

Crack.
Heroine.
Pills.
Alcohol.
A lot of people in this world suffer from addictions. Most just judge them; like when they walk into a room. Their appearance, attitude, movement... "Oh, look at that girl! She looks like a crack head!" Like, seriously?? You know NOTHING about that person. Maybe she is addicted to crack. Maybe that one over there that looks normal is suffering from alcoholism. We really don't know anyone's story... so why not give everyone the benefit of the doubt?
What I'm getting at...
My addiction. Ah, I really hate that I said that. Addiction. As many times as I say it, I still cringe.
Well, here it goes.
My addiction is food.
You say, why can't you just stop eating? Well, the same reason an alcoholic can't just stop drinking. The same reason a heroin addict can't stop the drugs. It just makes you feel better. You want to do it when you're happy... sad... and everything in between. It ruins your life. I seriously have a food addiction. This addiction put me in a size 30 pants and made me almost 400 lbs. When people saw me at this weight, they automatically just assumed that I was lazy and liked to eat a lot. Not true. I remember those days when I was sad and depressed... all I could think about is where my next meal was coming from.
Well here I am now, a lot smaller, but still far from being fit. I am still over weight. I find myself coming back to my old habits. Eating healthy... but sneaking a donut, chocolate, or some fast food. Who am I hurting? Myself! Why can't I stop? I have no idea! If I don't stop soon, I'm going to start climbing right back up to where I was. Heroin addicts have their methodone. What do us food addicts have? People assume that just because it's an addiction to something legal that we don't need help? I NEED HELP!
There, I'm admitting it. As soon as the times get tough, I turn to food. I've tried everything. The only thing that seems to work is making myself so busy that I don't have time to eat. I lost all my weight by going to the gym 7 days a week, for at least 2 hours a day. Well guess what? I don't have that option anymore. What the hell am I going to do? The people around me really don't understand how I feel. "Well, just stop eating it!" Much easier said than done.
I'm starting to feel miserable again. Bargaining with myself about what I eat. "Well, if I eat this chinese then I will just have to eat healthy the next two days to make up for it..." ...Even when I know that thought it WRONG!
I really don't want to go back to what I used to be. So, if blogging is my last resort, so be it!